*****
To Miss Prunella Pig, 234 Penn St.
5 June
My dearest Prunella,
How delighted I am to hear that your new house is completed! You must tell me everything about it. Have you chosen curtains for the parlour yet? There is a lovely print in a shop not far from my house: yellow with small pink roses. It would match your couch perfectly. And of course you mustn’t forget the wallpaper. Perhaps a pale yellow or pink will do best. Oh, my dear, I am so anxious to see it all. I have more things to remind you than I can write.
I was disappointed that your cousin Pritchard chose such an irreputable contractor for his house. My sister told me that her friend heard from Pritchard’s neighbour down the road that his house was made of straw. Of straw! And after I had twice expounded to him the benefits of granite. How like a man, to be so stubborn. Peregrine is no better. To live in a log cabin, like some mean peasant, is bad enough, but he must add to that by building his own house. He has neither pride nor sense of class. Why, if my lady the Queen were to hear of it, our family would fall into ridicule. I comfort myself with the thought that at least my niece is sensible and refined.
I had the most lovely evening yesterday. Monsieur Wolfe took me to the opera and then we had dinner together afterwards. I wore my lavender silk and a bonnet with lavender rosebuds, as well as new gloves for the occasion. I must say that, although the caviar was not of the highest quality, I have never seen a finer dinner. My dear, there were thirteen courses! You should have seen the rows of silverware, all polished and shining. Everything was decorated as I would have done it myself.
Higgins just brought a letter from Monsieur Wolfe, requesting that I accompany him to a dance this afternoon. I must find something respectable to wear. Farewell, my dear Prunella, and write me soon. Don’t choose any carpets before consulting me, and don’t let your cousins do anything more embarrassing.
Your loving aunt,
Lady Catherine de Boar
9 June
My dearest Prunella,
I must write briefly; I have volumes to write to Pritchard. He ought to have expected this, when he ordered a straw house. To build a house that could be destroyed with a leaf-blower! Indeed, I fainted when I heard of it. Wolfe was very kind; he said that he understood the delicacy of the matter and promised not to disclose it to anyone. I do hope that no more trouble comes now that Pritchard is staying with Peregrine; two female heads are better than one, but two male heads, worse.
On the way to the ball last week, my carriage passed your house. I do think it lovely: the hedge sets off the red brick very nicely, and the beige shutters are perfect. I am enclosing a sample of the fabric for the curtains so that you will know which it is when you go to purchase it. As soon as I have a moment, I will pay you a visit. Perhaps Wolfe will come with me.
I am sorry that you ruined your gloves. There are several shops near you with the latest fashions from Paris; be sure to get a new pair as soon as possible. Better yet, get two pair, and then if something so disastrous happens again, you will not be completely lost.
Thank heavens that you are so sensible, Prunella.
Your loving aunt,
Lady Catherine de Boar
13 June
My dearest Prunella,
Really, you must think more carefully before you do something so foolish as to allow your cousins to stay at your house. I comfort myself with the knowledge that you will keep them civilised. Did I not forebode that greater evils would follow this? I can understand a straw house being ruined by a leaf-blower, but a stick house? And Peregrine insists that it was Wolfe’s doing. That is most certainly nonsense. Walter—I mean, Monsieur Wolfe—would never do such an ungentlemanly thing. He is full of admiration and chivalry. Why, only yesterday he gave me a lovely diamond necklace; I won’t tell you what it must have cost. I will most certainly be writing both my nephews. Unless they reform their ways, they will disgrace our eminent family.
Take care not to let anyone hear of these things, and return that bonnet as soon as possible. If the shop refuses to replace it, mention my name.
Your loving aunt,
Lady Catherine de Boar
17 June
My dearest Prunella,
What a dreadful fright, to find a masked man with a leaf-blower in your yard! You poor little thing! Did you call the Police? At least Pritchard and Peregrine were there; I certainly would have been terrified to see a burglar with only a cook and a maid in the house. And I am glad that there was no damage to your new house. You say, though, that you ‘paid him back’; I do hope that you haven’t done anything disgraceful. But I ought to know that you are always a perfect lady.
Higgins just brought a letter from Walter. Alas, he says that he burnt himself with some hot water yesterday and won’t be able to take me to the orchestra tonight. I am terribly disappointed, for I had been planning to wear my new mint-coloured silk. I do hope that he wasn’t too badly hurt and will get better soon.
How pleasant that you were able to have your chimney swept gratis; you must tell me all about it. Although, my dear, isn’t it a little early for your chimney to need sweeping?
I hope to come and see you in a few days; until then, farewell.
Your loving aunt,
Lady Catherine de Boar
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